I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
