i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's like iHOP with fire
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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