I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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