We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you will always have a special place in my vag
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize