Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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