she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
