My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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