I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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