I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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