Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
