he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
