Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
