So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
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Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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