Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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