i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
