dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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