bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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