i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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