I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
