Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
