Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize