how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
