i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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