he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
