I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
