And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
