you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
