So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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