goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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