Im at strip club and am horny
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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