your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
