My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
