You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
