so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize