when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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