Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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