Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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