3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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