Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
