I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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