I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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