I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
