Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
