if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
