What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
