Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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