Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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