I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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