it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
