Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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