are you still at the devil's house?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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