i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
