Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
