Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
