if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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