she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
