you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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