Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
