halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
