The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
